5 ways to save a mentoring relationship that has stalled
We’ve seen the highs and lows of mentoring relationships. Sometimes people lose interest. They don’t sustain relationships. There are obvious and not so obvious reasons. Depending on the style of your mentoring relationship, you might wish to tackle one or all of these:
We’ve seen the highs and lows of mentoring relationships. Sometimes people lose interest. They don’t sustain relationships. There are obvious and not so obvious reasons. Depending on the style of your mentoring relationship, you might wish to tackle one or all of these:
1. Rediscover that all-important ‘drive’
This one is about motivation, or knowing your ‘why’ (not anyone else’s). It’s easier to be enthusiastic when you know what drives you and what you want. It also makes it easier to set goals – if you’re already a gun at this, congratulations! Head on to step 2.
Mentors: By now you’ve already gotten to know your mentee. It’s time to poke around, help them discover their purpose & their passions.
Mentees: Before your next catch-up with your mentor, take some time to reflect. You might not know what the next step for you personally or professionally is, but you can work on your current motivations. Figure out what is important to you now, what will be in a few months or where you might want to be next year or the one after that.
2. Focus on the Process
Mentoring is not only about setting and achieving goals, but for real success, it’s about the classic: journey, not the destination.
Get comfortable with knowing that how you go about things, is better than the outcome. The results can be seen for both mentee and mentor – eg. when a mentor talks a mentee through leadership scenarios and events, they are naturally forced to hold up a mirror to their own behaviour and leadership style.
It’s easy to look at highly successful people and assume it happened overnight. For a lucky few, this may be the case, but for the majority, it’s a product of hard work, determination and falling in love with the process.
Mentors: Work with your mentee to identify things to improve on during the mentoring relationship that can make it better. Be attitude and gratitude skewed.
Mentees: Stay focussed on the direction, not the endpoint. Discuss with your mentor, ways you can work on your mindset.
3. Don’t Worry About Being the Best
Be the best at getting better.
Push all of your goals down a notch, because your number one goal should be this.
Mentors: You don’t need to know everything as a mentor – share your experience rather than advice.
Mentees: Strive for better. When you strive for ‘better’ all your failures and successes are temporary because you will forever improve, given more time and more practice.
4. Embracing failure increases your gains
Get growing. Get uncomfortable. It’s time to put yourself out there.
Mentors: Introduce your mentee to someone from your network that can help push them outside their comfort zone by seeing a new perspective, share an experience or simply show them what that ‘next level’ looks like.
Mentees: Even if it’s scary, appreciate this opportunity and go for it. You’ve had practice with your current mentor, you might end up meeting another one!
5. Right Here. Right Now.
Being present in all ways is important. In some ways, building strong relationships needn’t be dissimilar to building any other strong relationship.
Aim to be deliberate in your meetings and catch-ups and if things are slowing down, try setting an agenda for your next meeting.
Mentor: your mentee requires your presence
Mentee: your mentor requires your presents – mentoring should never be a paid gig, buy them a coffee once and a while!